Friday, August 27, 2010

14. The Antoine Dodson Interview/Bed Intruder Song

If Antoine Dodson's interview with a local news station marked a new dawn for the YouTube-sensation era, then the Bed Intruder Song that followed is evidence of how amazing/entertaining that era will be.

There are so many things to love between the song, the interview, and Antoine himself that I dont even know where to begin.


First, I'll give the backstory for those of you who aren't familiar.
 Antoine Dodson and his sister Kelly Dodson were victims of a home invasion, during which the perpetrator climbed into bed with Kelly and attempted to rape her. Antoine intervened and the man fled. Normally, this wouldn't be a funny situation in any way; and it wasn't, until Antoine gave this interview to a local newscast :





Obviously, Antoine is seriously funny. But the laughs and good tidings don't stop there. Some creative, musically talented people got their hands on this interview and turned it into an extremely catchy song. Thus, the Bed Intruder Song was born. Listen:




The Bed Intruder Song has become a sensation on iTunes and YouTube, turning Antoine Dodson into an overnight superstar.

This is a modern day fairytale. A terrible event takes place, which then turns into a hilarious interview/rant and a great song. Antoine has star power, and whoever mixed the song deserves a Grammy award. The red bandanna also added a positive effect to both videos.

What do I really enjoy about this? Well, now there is an attempted rapist with an entire song written to him. Millions of people are singing along, referring to him as "homeboy" and no one even knows his identity. It's creepy and wonderful and is the perfect ending to what began as a sad story.

All ends well, because Antoine and his family are making money off of the Bed Intruder Song and probably won't have to live in the projects anymore.
Things like this are why I love the internet.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

13. Freedom Writers

Freedom Writers, the true story of a teacher's quest to educate a group of inner city kids, is an awesome movie with an awesome theme song by Common. Like the rest of America, I saw this movie a couple years ago in theaters and then completely forgot about it.  But now, thanks to MTV showing it fifteen times in the past two weeks, I am reminded of  how truly great this movie is.
At it's heart, Freedom Writers sends a message that all people deserve respect because you may never know what someone has been through and what difficulties they are facing.   
     Hilary Swank did a fantastic job playing the role of the caring, passionate teacher and the stereotypical troubled teens were very believable and well-casted. The addition of Mario's sexy ass as a troubled student didn't hurt the film either.
And then, of course, there is the perfect song; "I Have A Dream" samples part of Martin Luther King Jr.'s iconic speech set to a catchy beat and Common's uplifting verse.

It's a win-win situation. Great movie, great song, great-looking Mario. Rent it and feel inspired.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

12. Tivo Slide Remote

If you think the coolest gadget on the market right now is the iPad, you obviously haven't seen the life-altering vision of technology that is the Tivo Slide Remote.

It's just what it sounds like; a remote that slides down into a full QWERTY keyboard. It's lighter, thinner, and easier to use than the typical TV remote. Most importantly, you can feel like a total badass while you channel surf in your snuggie alone.


This remote does have some drawbacks. It doesn't actually do anything that a normal remote doesn't, which is kind of disappointing. You look at it and expect it to do something mindblowing, like send messages to outer space or at least send e-mails and texts. The Slide falls a bit flat on the functionality end.
This raises many questions, such as; isn't it completely unneccessary to have a remote with a full keyboard? Yes, yes it is. No one is going to type words into their TV on a regular basis. If you're that into browsing and discovering new shows, you need to stop spending so much time with your TV. You may have a problem a remote is not gonna fix.


But it looks cool, and that's almost always enough reason for me to buy it. Its 90 dollars, so I say go for it. Buy the Tivo Slide and may all your remote-related dreams come true.



Tuesday, August 24, 2010

11. The Whisper Effect

Imagine this : You're on the phone with your best friend on a Tuesday night (I like tuesday nights.) It's a normal conversation, just shootin the breeze with someone you've known for years. And then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere and almost always inexplicably, your best friend whispers something. Maybe it's something he/she couldn't say loudly because someone would overhear, or maybe they've entered a place where they are not supposed to be talking. Whatever the case, the person on the other end of the line drops their voice and scandalizes the conversation.

Here's where it happens: The Whisper Effect takes place. For no apparent reason and with no logical explanation, YOU start whispering too. You could be sitting alone, or stuck on a deserted road with no other inhabitants and absolutely no need to lower your tone of voice, but you do it anyway.
I think it's happened to all of us, and I'm spreading the word about it. You no longer need to feel like a dumbass everytime you whisper back to someone who is whispering (i explained that well, didn't I?). Well next time it happens, remind yourself that everyone does it and we all secretly like it.

I'm naming this strange habit The Whisper Effect, and it is awesome.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

10. Wal-Mart

If Heaven was a place on earth, it would probably resemble a giant Wal-Mart. A large stone building, spacious and brimming with hope and frugality, with giant white letters and three entrances. What could be a better reward for a life spent doing good deeds than a one way ticket to Wal-Mart?


God would be the store manager, slightly grumpy but tirelessly overseeing this wonderful place to ensure that every customer saves their well-earned money; the angels would be the under-paid workers in blue smocks who never know where anything is located;  the clouds would be the blessed pavement upon which Wal-Mart lies; and the magic, the thing that really makes Heaven the stuff of legends, would be found in the ridiculously low prices that only Wal-Mart can offer.

Call me crazy, but a store that offers popular products for a drastically low price has to be blessed by some type of spirit. EVERYTHING is cheaper at Wal-Mart. And EVERYTHING can be found at Wal-Mart.

Pet food? sure. A treadmill? Aisle 16. Curtains? Fertilizer? Shampoo? Desk Chairs? Stereos? All yes.

It's a wonderful place to be. Like all perfect things, critics try to find fault with Wal-Mart.

"Why is the lighting so flourescent?" They whine. "Why does it smell like old hot dogs?"


Well, I think we should ignore these people and let them go waste money at Target.

Wal-Mart is all about convenience! Simple convenience. The lighting is flourescent so you can peer down next to the prices and see how much money they're saving you. It smells like old hot dogs because there is a small food court inside, in case you become hungry while you're SAVING MONEY.

Wal-Mart deserves a round of applause, not a round of complaints.

I'll grudgingly admit that Wal-Mart doesn't provide the best "in-store atmosphere". While inside, you might not feel as overwhelmed with joy as the commercials would indicate. But when you exit the store, carrying all your purchases and happy to be in fresh air, you'll start to understand. Maybe you'll reach your hand into your pocket and still have a couple dollars lying around, because Wal-Mart didn't suck you dry like every other store did.
That, we can all agree, is something to love.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

9. British Accents

I'll happily admit a lot of things most people won't. If I stand behind something, I'm not going to back down about it. For instance, you can't tell me that Aaron Carter wasn't the flyest white boy alive in 2000. It's a fact, in my opinion. Also, Ryan Seacrest needs to step out of the coatroom and come to terms with his homosexuality. Honestly, the rest of America has already accepted him and it's time he accept himself. But I digress.

I think it is time the entire world declares that people with British accents are automatically cooler than non-British-accent-having people. Don't try to argue with me about it, because we all know it's true. 

Why do you think shows on MTV, ABC, and E! have random British hosts? British accents sound better and up the cool factor a little.  No one wants to hear someone say "duty" when we can hear "dewty". And that whole thing with not pronouncing double t's? Adorable. Give me "ba-ill" over "battle" anyday.

Having a British accent means your worldly and cool, not to be confused with those ignorant international look-alikes, the Americans. You can be unattractive, uneducated and blabbering about complete bullshit; as long as you're speaking in a British accent, people will listen.

I love most foreign accents, but British ones are particularly music to my ears. It's something about the chiming ring of it. It's a cheery thing to listen to.

On another note: Guys, if you want to pick up girls; hit on them in a British accent. It doesn't matter what you say. As long as you have an accent, a tweed jacket, and wire rimmed glasses you are good to go.

A toast to the British accent, because we all secretly wish we had one.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

8. Ochocinco:The Ultimate Catch



Chad Ochocinco, prized wide receiver for the Cincinnati Bengals, has resorted to a dating reality show in order to find love. He's not the first; we all watched Flava Flav, Bret Michaels, and Ray J search for love on national television. But Chad Ochocinco? Really? He's a current star, not a has-been still clawing for their fifteen minutes of fame. Why does he need VH1 to find a girlfriend?

For sensibility purposes, Ultimate Catch fails miserably.
For entertainment purposes, Ultimate Catch delivers.

I can't pinpoint why I love this show so much. Maybe it's Chad's  southern drawl, abs of rock hard steel and creepy all-white wardrobe. Maybe it's the tournament-style bracket that he sets the girls up in, complete with its own "Whore" Final Four. Or maybe it's the show's entire premise, which began with eighty-five girls competing on a football field to get noticed.The show has classic VH1 written all over it. The girls bring less drama to the house than in past dating shows, but most of them are probably vying for a spot in Chad's wallet, not his heart.  

Ochocinco is already known for being a bit of an eccentric. After all, this is a guy that legally changed his last name to the number on his football jersey. He's wacky and unpredictable; a show-off on the field with the skills to back it up. Oddly enough, his cocky on-field persona doesn't come through on the show. He rarely speaks in third person and almost never flaunts his fame. He is upfront about his commitment issues and appears to be sincerely trying to pick a good girlfriend.

If Ochocinco can find real love on Ultimate Catch, his popularity will only grow. Kudos to him for marketing himself and showing his sensitive side.

7. Tie-Dye

It's rare to find an item that evokes memories. Clothing, shoes and jewelry are all lifeless, cold things; when not in use, these items usually cease to have meaning. When I look at a tie-dyed item, I'm flooded with memories of childhood and summer camp. Blue, red, and purple stained hands, fraying handmade bracelets and headbands. Tie-dying something turns it into a representation of peace and love. As an art form, tie-dye has been around for centuries and  has come to be synonymous with hippies, freedom, and positivity.

To me, tie-dye is happiness. It's colorful, fun and timeless.

Monday, August 2, 2010

6. Dave Chappelle


There's a lot to say about Dave Chappelle. He's ridiculously talented and one of the most successful comedians in decades, but he seems to be ill-equipped to handle the fame that comes with being the Funniest Man Alive.
I love him for the obvious reasons; hes creative, self-made, and impossibly funny. But just like Bjork, Tom Cruise and Paula Abdul, Dave Chappelle is a person I undoubtedly love but don't fully understand.

When Dave left The Chappelle Show in 2005 for his unannounced voyage to Africa, I began to question his decision-making ability.Who walks away from 50 million dollars?!! For any reason, whatsoever! Dave later claimed that he was "stressed out" and that he needed to "keep his humor fresh." He had often talked about being over worked, and I believe this to be true. It's gotta be taxing to be that funny on a regular basis. I'm not sure why he left the show the way he did, or why he journeyed to Africa, but I guess he had to do what he had to do.

What's special about Dave Chappelle is the relevance of his jokes and the ease in which he tells them. He comes off as a really laidback round-the-way type of guy that just happened to make a career out of being funny as hell. He doesn't have set punchlines, nor does he act out his jokes using props and sound effects. He tells stories, after which I always find myself laughing and saying "that's so true! that's so true!'. He can talk about controversial topics like racism and homosexuality without being overtly offensive or crude. He makes fun of everyone, so anyone can find the humor in his jokes.

No matter what career choices or paths he embarks on, Dave is someone I will always respect for being an incredible entertainer. He conquered the world of stand up comedy for a long time, and his success is because of his own hard work. He makes me laugh, and I think that's enough to deserve love.



^Dave at his best

Sunday, August 1, 2010

5. Sour Punch Straws

It's been a long, long time since I last had the opportunity to enjoy a pack of Sour Punch Straws. For some reason, this incredible candy can't be found at drugstores or gas stations.
No, if you want a pack of Sour Punch Straws, you have to stumble upon a little good luck and head to the nearest Blockbuster or family amusement park. Sour Punch Straws only show up in the strangest places ( the only place that carries them by me is a seedy corner store that also sells candy cigarettes).

Finding and consuming a pack of Sour Punch Straws completely changes my day from normal to extraordinary. They're tangy, delicious, and coated in some sort of sour sugar that gets all  over your fingers and piles up at the bottom of the container. Added bonus: You really can drink out of them. They're pretty functional as straws.

A chewy, sour and sweet candy that doubles as a straw? Count me in.