10. Wal-Mart

If Heaven was a place on earth, it would probably resemble a giant Wal-Mart. A large stone building, spacious and brimming with hope and frugality, with giant white letters and three entrances. What could be a better reward for a life spent doing good deeds than a one way ticket to Wal-Mart?

God would be the store manager, slightly grumpy but tirelessly overseeing this wonderful place to ensure that every customer saves their well-earned money; the angels would be the under-paid workers in blue smocks who never know where anything is located;  the clouds would be the blessed pavement upon which Wal-Mart lies; and the magic, the thing that really makes Heaven the stuff of legends, would be found in the ridiculously low prices that only Wal-Mart can offer.

Call me crazy, but a store that offers popular products for a drastically low price has to be blessed by some type of spirit. EVERYTHING is cheaper at Wal-Mart. And EVERYTHING can be found at Wal-Mart.

Pet food? sure. A treadmill? Aisle 16. Curtains? Fertilizer? Shampoo? Desk Chairs? Stereos? All yes.

It's a wonderful place to be. Like all perfect things, critics try to find fault with Wal-Mart.

"Why is the lighting so flourescent?" They whine. "Why does it smell like old hot dogs?"


Well, I think we should ignore these people and let them go waste money at Target.

Wal-Mart is all about convenience! Simple convenience. The lighting is flourescent so you can peer down next to the prices and see how much money they're saving you. It smells like old hot dogs because there is a small food court inside, in case you become hungry while you're SAVING MONEY.

Wal-Mart deserves a round of applause, not a round of complaints.

I'll grudgingly admit that Wal-Mart doesn't provide the best "in-store atmosphere". While inside, you might not feel as overwhelmed with joy as the commercials would indicate. But when you exit the store, carrying all your purchases and happy to be in fresh air, you'll start to understand. Maybe you'll reach your hand into your pocket and still have a couple dollars lying around, because Wal-Mart didn't suck you dry like every other store did.
That, we can all agree, is something to love.